Before I was a mom I can recall strolling through the grocery store shaking my head at a hysterical child/infant/toddler. I asserted myself, "MY children will never embarress me like that" Statements like "If it were my child I would......" "My parents would have never...." and the list goes on. The fact of the matter is until I was a parent, I could not fathom how unpredictable and amazing these little people truly are.
Flash forward several years and I AM that mom with the hysterical child in the middle of the grocery store. For no particular reason at all (is there ever really?) having my daughter decide she would no longer like to cooperate in finishing the grocery shopping, in fact my lack of ability to outsmart, trick, distract, bribe or otherwise diffuse the situation resulted in the dissapproving stares and smirks of those, who like I once, were completely unaware at the shear intensity and determination a toddler can have to disrupt the flow and express herself.
I also saw the empathy and understanding in other mom's and dad's who skirted along both offering a quick comforting glance or kind word without risking upsetting the balance in their own cart microcosm...they understood, they could relate and most of them were praying beyond a hope that they did not have to share the same fate of grocery store hijinks.
I can understand better some of the varying degrees of coping I remember observing before Riley... ranging from an expression of pure exhaustion and defeat,ultimatively "giving in" to pacify the insanity, to anger and storming out of the store, to calm assertivness and some verbal repremand that was effective at times, and simply a catalyst to a further meltdown in others, to what appeared to be complete apathy and "la la land." I understand these personas becase I have been every one of them at one point or another.
I have a friend who after working in a grocery story for many years recently and quite comically posed the question "What is it about grocery stores that makes all children scream at the top of their lungs for no reason at all?" I simply smiled to myself and said "maybe it's the lighting" lol. The fact of the matter is children will find ways to be... children and no matter the setting given the right ingredients ANY child can catch even the most put together parent off guard with an instant transformation into this little person screaming like a banshee over poptarts who bears no resemblance to your child....
So, the next time you see a screaming child, a frazzled parent, or even a parent who seems to be ignoring it all- remember she/he is coping to the best of their ability right now... and walking a mile in the shoes of that parent is a long hard road.
So what can you do? Depending on the age of the child and their personality you may be able to get by with a quick "knock it off" or it may entail a full on exercise in futility to reach the sanctity of the parking lot and your car.
I unfortunately know no magic, there is no pressure point, herbal mist or woosaa mechanism I have found and to be honest no one knows your child better than you. Try to put yourself in their shoes (mismatched, untied, on the wrong feet, or my personal (and Riley's too) favorite rain boots and a too-too in the middle of July without a cloud in the sky), and remember children are not simply little adults.
On that note I am known to have a hissy fit or two when things are disappointing to me.... We are all constantly works in progress and knowing that can help ease the days when you feel as though you are wearing a plaque around your neck with the words "had about enough" on it.
One (potentially) helpful suggestion I have is to consider outdoor food markets. Buying local supports our growers and farmers in and around Jax and can not only give you a change of scenery but the opportunity to network with other parents in the community, get some sunshine (fingers crossed), and maybe do something you will both enjoy with your morning.
Links for information on Farmers Markets here in Jacksonville, and throughout FL are linked below, along with the River City Arts Market which has booths that not only offer fresh produce, bread etc. but also the opportunity to turn gathering this weeks provisions into an enriching and stimulating environment for the whole family.
Information on all Florida Farmers Markets : Florida-agriculture.com
And in closing....
From one of my favorites: The Bounce Back Book by Karen Salmansohn
"During bad times, if you feel embarrassed by what others are thinking about you, fear not. Most people aren't thinking about all the things wrong in your world. They're too caught up with all the things wrong in their own worlds"
Flash forward several years and I AM that mom with the hysterical child in the middle of the grocery store. For no particular reason at all (is there ever really?) having my daughter decide she would no longer like to cooperate in finishing the grocery shopping, in fact my lack of ability to outsmart, trick, distract, bribe or otherwise diffuse the situation resulted in the dissapproving stares and smirks of those, who like I once, were completely unaware at the shear intensity and determination a toddler can have to disrupt the flow and express herself.I also saw the empathy and understanding in other mom's and dad's who skirted along both offering a quick comforting glance or kind word without risking upsetting the balance in their own cart microcosm...they understood, they could relate and most of them were praying beyond a hope that they did not have to share the same fate of grocery store hijinks.
I can understand better some of the varying degrees of coping I remember observing before Riley... ranging from an expression of pure exhaustion and defeat,ultimatively "giving in" to pacify the insanity, to anger and storming out of the store, to calm assertivness and some verbal repremand that was effective at times, and simply a catalyst to a further meltdown in others, to what appeared to be complete apathy and "la la land." I understand these personas becase I have been every one of them at one point or another.
I have a friend who after working in a grocery story for many years recently and quite comically posed the question "What is it about grocery stores that makes all children scream at the top of their lungs for no reason at all?" I simply smiled to myself and said "maybe it's the lighting" lol. The fact of the matter is children will find ways to be... children and no matter the setting given the right ingredients ANY child can catch even the most put together parent off guard with an instant transformation into this little person screaming like a banshee over poptarts who bears no resemblance to your child....
So, the next time you see a screaming child, a frazzled parent, or even a parent who seems to be ignoring it all- remember she/he is coping to the best of their ability right now... and walking a mile in the shoes of that parent is a long hard road.
So what can you do? Depending on the age of the child and their personality you may be able to get by with a quick "knock it off" or it may entail a full on exercise in futility to reach the sanctity of the parking lot and your car.
I unfortunately know no magic, there is no pressure point, herbal mist or woosaa mechanism I have found and to be honest no one knows your child better than you. Try to put yourself in their shoes (mismatched, untied, on the wrong feet, or my personal (and Riley's too) favorite rain boots and a too-too in the middle of July without a cloud in the sky), and remember children are not simply little adults.
On that note I am known to have a hissy fit or two when things are disappointing to me.... We are all constantly works in progress and knowing that can help ease the days when you feel as though you are wearing a plaque around your neck with the words "had about enough" on it.
One (potentially) helpful suggestion I have is to consider outdoor food markets. Buying local supports our growers and farmers in and around Jax and can not only give you a change of scenery but the opportunity to network with other parents in the community, get some sunshine (fingers crossed), and maybe do something you will both enjoy with your morning.Links for information on Farmers Markets here in Jacksonville, and throughout FL are linked below, along with the River City Arts Market which has booths that not only offer fresh produce, bread etc. but also the opportunity to turn gathering this weeks provisions into an enriching and stimulating environment for the whole family.
Information on all Florida Farmers Markets : Florida-agriculture.com
And in closing....
From one of my favorites: The Bounce Back Book by Karen Salmansohn
"Tip #17 The only true observer of your world and your issues is you"
"During bad times, if you feel embarrassed by what others are thinking about you, fear not. Most people aren't thinking about all the things wrong in your world. They're too caught up with all the things wrong in their own worlds"
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